When you’re in a controlling relationship, it can be hard to tell whether your partner is manipulating you or if you have poor self-esteem. Sure, there are signs of manipulation that are pretty cut and dry, but if you are having doubts about whether or not you’re getting manipulated, here’s what you can watch for:
They Undermine You
Undermining is when people intentionally or unintentionally make you feel less confident in yourself and your abilities. It happens when someone makes you feel bad about your ideas and suggestions.
So how do people undermine you, exactly? Well, it could be as simple as your partner/friend telling you that the work you did on a project wasn’t very good or that the idea for a project wasn’t very creative—or even just by making fun of something you said! The thing is: Undermining isn’t always done on purpose. Sometimes people are just trying to be funny or make a joke at your expense but this could leave you hurtful.
They Expect Something In Return
People sometimes do things for others and then expect to receive something in return. For example, “I’ll help you with that thing if you will also help me with something else.” It’s like a barter system, I will give you something, and I expect (or hope) to get the same in return. This is a very common occurrence in relationships. If you are dating someone, they might expect you to do things for them because they feel like they are giving something back. This can also happen with friends and family members who may do favours for you and then they may expect favours in return.
They Say – Try Being Me!!
This is how it goes: you’re having a problem, and you ask for help or advice. You get some feedback from them and then..
“Well I’d do this if I were in your shoes.”
“Try being me. Then you’ll see how hard it is.”
And then they start telling you what they would do if they were in your situation. They give you advice that may be good advice, but it’s also kind of… not helpful? Because maybe they’re not taking into account your specific situation? And it feels like they’re dismissing your problem as though they’ve already solved it by being in it. The worst part is that sometimes when people offer unsolicited advice like this, their intentions may be good. They just don’t realise how their words make us feel.
They Play The Victim Card
When someone is playing the victim card, they’re trying to get you to feel sorry for them. They are looking for sympathy and pity, and they might even be hoping that you’ll help them out of their situation. The problem is that it can be hard to tell when someone is playing the victim card. And sometimes, they’re not even aware that they’re doing it. They might be so used to feeling sorry for themselves that they don’t realize how much their words are affecting others.
Manipulation tactics are common in relationships, yet few are aware of the subtle signs while others may not be aware. This article lists 4 signs to watch out for. It’s important to note, however, that manipulation is not always negative. It can also be a sign of a potentially healthy relationship, if one partner is able to successfully influence the other (in a positive way). Manipulation tactics should always be identified and discussed, as this can lead to better understanding and can help prevent conflict in future.
It is true that Bach flower remedies can be used to help people who manipulate and the ones who easily get manipulated. One should also consider personalized remedies to suit their specific needs and uplift themselves from being a victim of manipulation.
(Disclaimer: It is advised that one must make a personal blend after consulting a BFRP (Bach Foundation Registered Practitioner))